A Thinker (Female, Boston, Who Cares?, Administrative) answered:

OK. This type of generalization about people who have FWB relationships is just not true, at least not in all cases.

There's a difference between "f*ck buddy" and FWB. A f*ck buddy is just about sex, nothing else...just someone you can booty call. A FWB, because it stands for "Friends With Benefits", includes that first word: Friends. There are situations where this is ideal for both people involved, and does not indicate a lack of self-esteem on either part. Rather, in my opinion, it often indicates a healthy self-awareness combined with a realistic attitude.

Say you were recently divorced, and you knew it would be unhealthy for you to jump right into a new (rebound) relationship...but you don't want to be celibate. What would you do? One-night stands are definitely not a good option...(I could never have sex with someone I barely knew). So what else is there? If you have a friend who is of the same mindset, and you have the right chemistry, then FWB can be a perfect solution. This way, instead of having to choose between being celibate or jumping into something you're not ready for....this way you get to have great sex on a regular basis with someone with whom you have affection and mutual respect....without any expectations or pressure for a commitment you likely aren't ready to offer. It does not indicate a lack of self-esteem in a situation like that.

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An Intellectual Guy (Male, Sydney, 22-25, Science / Engineering) answered:

you are wrong...low self-esteem and no respect has nothing to do with it. let me give you an example

i work in a big bank, i go out with the secretaries at work, I hooked up with one after lots of dancing and then a kiss. i invited her back to my place

we are both single, me just out of a relationship. she was interested in a guy living in another state. so we were both only interested in sex. there was sexual chemistry but i wouldn't date her anyway as we are not compatible

the conversation was something like this:
her: what is this between us?
me: just friends
her: really?
me: yep I'm not interested in a relationship, i told you that before
her: ok
me: we are just friends with benefits
her: great, i think i'm going to enjoy this!
me: me too!

any other questions?

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A Hip-Hop Girl (Female, Newark, 29-35, Who Cares?) answered:

Well I do believe that you do lower your self respect. I say this honestly because I did try it for a month and I got out of it right away. I felt aweful because even though I cared for him I knew what it was and it wasn't a situation I was comfortable with. Never going back that route again!

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A Mr. Nice Guy (Male, San Francisco, 36-45, Financial / Banking) answered:

It developed out of male and female friendships that women always claim are so plutonic, while in the long run they end up fucking the friend while in a committed long term relationship with some one else. Low self-esteem has nothing to do with it, the real truth is that people make poor choices when it comes to relationship and end up being unhappy. All of a sudden the friend that has been listening to your problems at work turns into a fuck buddy. When you are unhappy your in a relationship your sex life dwindles and contrary to popular opinion the primary reason for relationships is sex, when that stops you seek sexual gratification else where and you find that in a fuck buddy, they know all your secrets so there is nothing to hide and you are free of your inhibitions.

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I am currently in a FWB relationship, and it works perfectly for us. We became friends first & have known each other for quite a while before this just happened between us. We don't become intimate every time we get together, because after all, we're friends first. I have no problems with my self esteem or my self respect, thank you. If this turns into something more, great! If not, I still have a dear friend.

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