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FWB
FWB / Sex & Intimacy / 1:57 PM - Tuesday May 01, 2007
A Career Man (Male, Baltimore, 26-28, Student) asked:


Just curious, with all this talk about FWBs.

How does one get a FWB?

What type of girls and guys are pontential FWB candidates?

What is the actual conservation to becoming an FWB?

Just wondering because any man or woman willing to be an FWB must have low self-esteem and no respect for themselves.

What do you think?



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A Thinker (Female, Boston, Who Cares?, Administrative) answered:

Screenname: piscesrising


OK. This type of generalization about people who have FWB relationships is just not true, at least not in all cases.

There's a difference between "f*ck buddy" and FWB. A f*ck buddy is just about sex, nothing else...just someone you can booty call. A FWB, because it stands for "Friends With Benefits", includes that first word: Friends. There are situations where this is ideal for both people involved, and does not indicate a lack of self-esteem on either part. Rather, in my opinion, it often indicates a healthy self-awareness combined with a realistic attitude.

Say you were recently divorced, and you knew it would be unhealthy for you to jump right into a new (rebound) relationship...but you don't want to be celibate. What would you do? One-night stands are definitely not a good option...(I could never have sex with someone I barely knew). So what else is there? If you have a friend who is of the same mindset, and you have the right chemistry, then FWB can be a perfect solution. This way, instead of having to choose between being celibate or jumping into something you're not ready for....this way you get to have great sex on a regular basis with someone with whom you have affection and mutual respect....without any expectations or pressure for a commitment you likely aren't ready to offer. It does not indicate a lack of self-esteem in a situation like that.



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A Thinker (Female, Philadelphia, 29-35, Administrative) answered:

Screenname: clssylady


This works best for people who are aware that they have commitment issues and while wanting to feel close to someone without the supposed drama a real relationship entails. Its not a thing about self respect, its more along the lines of having a lover that won't pop up (or shouldn't pop up) wanting more from you. Its not an ideal situation for most people...

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An Intellectual Guy (Male, Sydney, 22-25, Science / Engineering) answered:

Screenname: sussmori


you are wrong...low self-esteem and no respect has nothing to do with it. let me give you an example

i work in a big bank, i go out with the secretaries at work, I hooked up with one after lots of dancing and then a kiss. i invited her back to my place

we are both single, me just out of a relationship. she was interested in a guy living in another state. so we were both only interested in sex. there was sexual chemistry but i wouldn't date her anyway as we are not compatible

the conversation was something like this:
her: what is this between us?
me: just friends
her: really?
me: yep I'm not interested in a relationship, i told you that before
her: ok
me: we are just friends with benefits
her: great, i think i'm going to enjoy this!
me: me too!

any other questions?

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A Life of the Party (Female, 26-28, Who Cares?) answered:

Screenname: beanielou


All I know is I couldn't do it. I couldn't have sex with someone I didn't love.

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A Hip-Hop Girl (Female, Newark, 29-35, Who Cares?) answered:

Screenname: ncy0430


Well I do believe that you do lower your self respect. I say this honestly because I did try it for a month and I got out of it right away. I felt aweful because even though I cared for him I knew what it was and it wasn't a situation I was comfortable with. Never going back that route again!

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An Intellectual Guy (Male, 36-45, Who Cares?) answered:

Screenname: billy498


I think that this is a gratuitous question that is only asked so that people will repond to you in such a way as to compliment you on your own (obvioulsy very strong) morals and therefore boost your own self-esteem.

What do you think?

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A Mr. Nice Guy (Male, San Francisco, 36-45, Financial / Banking) answered:

Screenname: hardbull


It developed out of male and female friendships that women always claim are so plutonic, while in the long run they end up fucking the friend while in a committed long term relationship with some one else. Low self-esteem has nothing to do with it, the real truth is that people make poor choices when it comes to relationship and end up being unhappy. All of a sudden the friend that has been listening to your problems at work turns into a fuck buddy. When you are unhappy your in a relationship your sex life dwindles and contrary to popular opinion the primary reason for relationships is sex, when that stops you seek sexual gratification else where and you find that in a fuck buddy, they know all your secrets so there is nothing to hide and you are free of your inhibitions.

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A Thinker (Female, New York, 22-25, Consulting) answered:

Screenname: leogirly7


Okay this is my opinion

It is one thing to have a casual relationship w/sex. Casual meaning you are friends who have sex. However it is the most idiotic thing I ever heard to claim someone who you don't have for sex, why in the world would you do that. Do you see cards in the store "happy anniversary FWB" NO, it's not a real relationship. I think those who have them are so desperate to clang on to someone. It's not about self respect.

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A Thinker (Female, Oklahoma City, 36-45, Internet / New Media) answered:


I am currently in a FWB relationship, and it works perfectly for us. We became friends first & have known each other for quite a while before this just happened between us. We don't become intimate every time we get together, because after all, we're friends first. I have no problems with my self esteem or my self respect, thank you. If this turns into something more, great! If not, I still have a dear friend.

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