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Uncensored Responses

Flirting
Flirting / Intimacy (Rated-PG) / 12:22 AM - Friday April 14, 2006
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A Mr. Married Guy (Male, Atlanta, 46-55, Who Cares?) asked:


Is flirting ok even if you are married or in a serioius relationship? Would you be upset if you found out your partner was flirting at work? Is flirting harmless or asking for trouble?


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An Alternative Girl (Female, 36-45, Financial / Banking) answered:

Screenname: floridagirl


I know he flirts and I can't stand the thought of it but I have to be realistic. I flirt too, I understand that its unavoidable since its just human nature. I trust that he knows where to draw the line. It's a don't ask don't tell kinda thing I guess.

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A Sweet Sarah (Female, 29-35, Science / Engineering) answered:

Screenname: buyakasha


I know it is natural and everyone does it. That said, I *do not* want to see it. I wouldn't flip out or anything but it would make me jealous and I'd feel a little disrespected. If one remembers to have some respect and consideration for their partner and doesn't cross any agreed upon lines than I think it is okay.

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A Creative (Female, Buffalo, 46-55, Other Profession) answered:

Screenname: kdare


Flirting is only harmless with people close enough to you to know the score. Part of this equation is the person who you flirt with. Maybe it is harmless to you because you are only flirting and harmless to your wife because you are only flirting, but not so harmless to the person who doesn't know what to make of it.

When I was first single after 30 years of marriage, a man I had business dealings with flirted outrageously with me and I was quite attracted to him. His continued flirtation fed my desire for him. Yet, the "relationship" did not progress the way it should have for such attraction. In time, I found out he was married and I was crushed and embarrassed at my taking of the bait--although "nothing" ever happened beyond flirting.

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A Hippie Chick (Female, Denver, 36-45, Who Cares?) answered:


I don't think there is a black or white answer to this question. There are potentially many factors that need to be taken into consideration. For instance, if there is an underlying problem within the marriage (relationship), then it very well may be dangerous when one of the partners decides to flirt--also depending on the person. However, if the relationship is solid, then I believe flirting can be harmless.
My husband and I both engage in flirtatious behaviors with others--though we each flirt differently. At first, I had a difficult time understanding his style of flirting--I felt like it crossed boundaries that shouldn't be crossed. I've found that if I don't hear about specific instances where he has flirted, I'm not bothered even though I know he still does it. I remind myself that I flirt too, and I would never do anything to put our relationship in jeopardy because I am very invested in it. And because I ultimately trust my husband, I also believe that he feels the same way. However, if either one of us were to ever venture into an external relationship, I would view it as something being askew within our marriage rather than simply flirtation carried too far.

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A Thinker (Female, 46-55) answered:

Screenname: anntheresa


There is no such thing as harmless flirting unless you are unattatched and so is the other person. My BFF girlfriend thought it was ok to flirt with anyone...and so she did with my husband. She thought we were such good friends that she could talk to my husband like she was talking to her own. She started out very innocent, but I found out she was to the point of saying some very seductive and arousing things to my husband. She crossed the line. Sorry, but even after she apologized I realized I cannot have a friend like that. She betrayed me and disrespected me and my marriage. She did not think this would upset me, but guess what. Go talk dirty to your own husband. There is no such thing as harmless flirting when people are married....someone will get hurt.

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A Rebel (Male, Boston, 22-25, Who Cares?) answered:


Most likely it will become trouble because the other person will react toward your flirting and "BOOM"... what comes after that your in trouble for leading her on...

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A Creative (Female, Rochester, 29-35, Who Cares?) answered:

Screenname: incognito


Of Course I'd be upset. It's definitely asking for trouble. I've found myself in that situation and I do believe that the flirter is sending the wrong messages to the flirtee.

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