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A Creative (Female, 36-45, Artist / Musician / Writer) answered: Screenname: treehugnmamaof2
Sex in a loving, secure marriage is many things. Sometimes frequent and hot, sometimes not. It is a chance to restore intimacy, show forgiveness, say thankyou, be vulnerable, give, and receive. We have so many distractions from day to day, we have to make our spouses a priority. It is not easy with kids, soccer practice, dance, friends, extended family, work, extra-curricular activities, church, and so on. Somebody said you just need to "end a sexless marriage". I say you need to fight for it! Marriages fail every day. If we don't change our relationship habits, we will just end up in the same situation again and again. We have to forgive small offenses, work together to remedy the big ones, be affectionate, tender, playful, honest (with praises & disappointments0. We have to get away and focus on eachother, even if it is just a blanket in the back yard under the stars. Don't give up guys. Sex comes and goes in waves. We can get bitter and resentful. We have to start thinking of how to please our partners, not just ourselves sometimes, and in doing so, we get rewarded. Stress, finances, parenting, work, the mundane, can take a toll on anyones sex life. It isn't personal. It happens to everyone. Don't let it be an ending of a once great relationship. Let it be a beginning. Discover what is missing and begin to meet eachother's needs and wants like never before. Forget about the past. Get real, let go, get to know eachother again.
On a personal note, for the sake of helping anyone in that situation, I will share my own obstacles. I was the more frequent lover in our marriage. That is hard to grasp for a newlywed girl who thought all men were sex crazed. I had to realize we are different. I believe God put us together for that reason. I used to get hurt, bitter, angry, numb about it. After several years of that, I realized I was just hurting myself and my marriage. So I am fine with instigating, planning, suggesting sex now without feeling embarrased or slighted. He is up for it ;) just doesn't think of it as often as I do. We are still fairly young, comitted, attractive, yet if it were up to him, it would be around 12 x a year. He needs me to remind him to take time to love, live, laugh and that is ok. I need his help in many areas too. I had to give it to God and ask for His help. As long as I listen to His response, it is wonderful. He didn't "fix" my husband and make him a sex machine...He fixed me by showing me my bitterness, unforgiveness, own shortcomings, and selfishness.
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