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A Career Man (Male, Dallas, 29-35, Executive) answered: Screenname: runner
In my humble opinion:
As far as refering to romance as serendipitous, I say quite the contrary. There are different kinds of romance, and maybe different levels. All of which are defined, individually and maybe differently, by everyone. Serendipity refers to something that is found. I believe that romance is created. Sure, love and chemistry are found, but love takes work to make it stand the test of time. I think that when two people love each other, they are inclined and willing to create passion and romance to keep it alive.
During the beginning of a relationship, there is constant fire and passion that spurs people to fall in love. Once that connection is made, then naturally people commit to each other, get married, and live their lives together. But, once that fire dies down, which to an extent it always does, it is up to the couple to recreate those moments to keep the fire burning.
It is easy for couples, after they get married and get back to their focusing attention to their career, goals, hobbies, whatever, to let that which brought them together to become less of their focus, for lack of a better phrase. My fiance and I, for example, have demanding jobs, tons of friends we like to see socially, and hobbies/interests we like to keep up. For us, we can go a couple/few weeks and realize we havn't had a romantic evening together. When this happens, subconsciously, we feel some sort of tension rising, or our connection getting distant. Then it's like a lightbulb that goes off in our heads and we say to each other, "Hey! We haven't had a romantic evening in a while!" One we realize this we make plans to do those things we used to do all the time during our courtship.
For us, we have a few things we both love to do that creates romance in our relationship. An easy way to create romance is to get dressed up really nice and dine at a nice restaurant, as we both appreciate superior food and a nice bottle or two of wine. That evening is all about us. Afterwards, we go to another cool place to have a drink and keep the night going. This does wonders for us. We also like to camp out in state parks... different from the dining, I know. But, I am a trail runner, so we spend a few days camping, hiking, running, and hanging out by the campfire cooking up some good food and just hanging. We also like beaches. About 3 months in to dating, we spent about 4 days in Cozumel relaxing on the beach. Very, very romantic. These things create a fire that lasts weeks when we get back to our busy lives.
So, romance is a two-way thing. If the guy is a smooth operator and pulls out all the stops even though he doesn't feel it, I think that deep down, whether they know it or not, they know a true connection is not there. Sure some people are naieve and want it to happen so bad that they ignore this instinct that is telling them to back off. But, love is unmistakable. Romance is something that is created to keep the fire burning strong.
But... you're a smart guy! You know all this!
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