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Romance....
Sex & Intimacy / 9:21 PM - Wednesday October 11, 2006

Romance....

What's romance? Must it be serendipitous? Or can romance be planned? Is it still romantic if someone does something KNOWING what effect it will have on you? Is it romance when a guy gives you flowers because he knows that it's your favourite? Or is it romance when he 'happens' to give you flowers and they 'happen' to be your favourite?

What if you meet a guy. A cassanova for lack of better terminology. He knows what to say, he knows what to do. And he knows how to push all the right buttons to make you melt. Is it still romantic if he felt nothing behind those actions?

Is it romantic if he did it for his amusement?

~LB

- Asked by laughingbandit, A Player, Male, 29-35, Toronto, Executive

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Replace cassanova w/ PUA - pick up artist, just droppin by.

- Response by mick2005, A Rebel, Male, 22-25, Seattle, Self-Employed

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WTF?...LB!

I sure hope that if a man is pushing all my right buttons that he feels something behind his actions!

Romance can be something as small as picking a flower while jogging and handing it to you. Or leaving a note saying I love you by your pillow.

Romance is only romance when love ifs felt and emotions are involved!

That's my opinion!

- Response by fireandice80, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 29-35, Financial / Banking

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Romance is doing something sweet for someone you care about just because you know they'll enjoy it. So yes, giving a girl her favorite flowers because you know she likes them IS romantic. A guy would never complain about coming home to find his girl making his favorite meal or surprising him with tickets to his fav team. You're still going out of your way to make the other person's day. Serendipitous romance is sweet and cute, especially those random moments were you find yourselves watching a really great sunset or even just cuddling after a rented movie. There really is no difference between the two, both are just sweet moments two people share.
For the casanova jerk who melts the girl's heart for the sake of getting in her pants and felt nothing... that's not romance, it's manipulation.

- Response by smizzle, A Sportif, Female, 26-28, Student

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In my humble opinion:

As far as refering to romance as serendipitous, I say quite the contrary. There are different kinds of romance, and maybe different levels. All of which are defined, individually and maybe differently, by everyone. Serendipity refers to something that is found. I believe that romance is created. Sure, love and chemistry are found, but love takes work to make it stand the test of time. I think that when two people love each other, they are inclined and willing to create passion and romance to keep it alive.

During the beginning of a relationship, there is constant fire and passion that spurs people to fall in love. Once that connection is made, then naturally people commit to each other, get married, and live their lives together. But, once that fire dies down, which to an extent it always does, it is up to the couple to recreate those moments to keep the fire burning.

It is easy for couples, after they get married and get back to their focusing attention to their career, goals, hobbies, whatever, to let that which brought them together to become less of their focus, for lack of a better phrase. My fiance and I, for example, have demanding jobs, tons of friends we like to see socially, and hobbies/interests we like to keep up. For us, we can go a couple/few weeks and realize we havn't had a romantic evening together. When this happens, subconsciously, we feel some sort of tension rising, or our connection getting distant. Then it's like a lightbulb that goes off in our heads and we say to each other, "Hey! We haven't had a romantic evening in a while!" One we realize this we make plans to do those things we used to do all the time during our courtship.

For us, we have a few things we both love to do that creates romance in our relationship. An easy way to create romance is to get dressed up really nice and dine at a nice restaurant, as we both appreciate superior food and a nice bottle or two of wine. That evening is all about us. Afterwards, we go to another cool place to have a drink and keep the night going. This does wonders for us. We also like to camp out in state parks... different from the dining, I know. But, I am a trail runner, so we spend a few days camping, hiking, running, and hanging out by the campfire cooking up some good food and just hanging. We also like beaches. About 3 months in to dating, we spent about 4 days in Cozumel relaxing on the beach. Very, very romantic. These things create a fire that lasts weeks when we get back to our busy lives.

So, romance is a two-way thing. If the guy is a smooth operator and pulls out all the stops even though he doesn't feel it, I think that deep down, whether they know it or not, they know a true connection is not there. Sure some people are naieve and want it to happen so bad that they ignore this instinct that is telling them to back off. But, love is unmistakable. Romance is something that is created to keep the fire burning strong.

But... you're a smart guy! You know all this!

- Response by runner, A Career Man, Male, 29-35, Dallas, Executive

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Real romance is kindness and consideration towards someone you care about...the other is calculated manipulation...BIG DIFFERENCE.

- Response by lazvegzchk, A Hippie Chick, Female, Who Cares?, Las Vegas, Therapist

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Roamance is doing something nice for someone because you genuinely care for them and have a genuine interest in making them happy. If the guy does something romantic for his own amusement he's just a player- what a joke! It's fine to be a player if you are an open player (you let the other person know that you're not in it for the long haul), but if you just play on someones emotions for your own amusement that's just pathetic and a move that might be turned around on you someday- when you least expect it. More girls are starting to turn the guy players moves right back around on him- watch it there cassanova!

- Response by A Guy Critical, Male, 29-35

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