Nothing helps my depression.
I have suffered from depression almost my whole life, from early teenage years to now in my 30's. It has become worse the older I get, which I have attributed to having more stress in my life. I used to go through times that I would be down, and cry and not feel like being around anyone, just being alone. About 3 years ago, I went into an extreme depression, to the point I couldn't get out of bed and I started having panic attacks. I was terrified most of the day, and spent about a month in my room. At one point I hadn't sleep in days and was scared and sad so bad I actually wanted to go to a hospital..I was scared about what I might do to myself. I started seeing a new doctor and she put me on anxiety meds and anti-depressants once again. I had been on anti-depressants for years before, but stopped taking them about 3 years prior to this depressive episode. I started feeling a little better and have been able to "get by", but I want to start enjoying life again, I don't want to just "get by". I have wonderful children, wonderful husband and friends and I just can not seem to enjoy all that I have. I do occasionally keep a journal of how I am feeling and what I have noticed is that during the 10-14 days before I menstruate I feel horrible. I want to sleep all the time, I have no energy, I am very easily aggravated and am not happy with anything. I basically have 2 mediocre weeks a month and the other 2 weeks of the month are horrible.
Right after I started seeing the new doctor she sent me to a therapist to talk to. I have seen many therapist and psychiatrists over the years, and I don't believe therapists help me. I know what my problems are, I know what the root causes are..but no one can give me the solutions to these issues, they are things I must change in myself. Back to the point, the therapist suggested I see a doctor about a new illness that is out there called Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD). Since then I have tried to find as much as possible about it, but I can never really find anything they have found that treats it, except anti-depressants and birth control pills along with a good diet.
Well I am already on 2 different anti-depressants, anxiety meds, but they do nothing to help. I can't take birth control pills because I had problems with them in my twenties, my ob/gyn told me never to take them again, he was afraid I was having small strokes because of them.....I am at my wits end. I feel like my life is passing me by.
I don't want to do anything I used to enjoy, and I am the most happy when I am in bed sleeping. I was hoping someone could give me advice or have had experience with PMDD. I know it can't all be PMDD, because even the other times of the month I never feel completely happy. I have been on many different anti depressant over the years and 3 different anxiety medicine also. Nothing stops the depression. I just want to live my life and enjoy my children before they are grown and gone and I have missed the best years of my life. Thank you
Update: June 05, 2007.
Thank you to everyone who took the time to respond to my question. I can't tell you how much it helps just to know there are still people out there that care about the wellbeing of others. I want everyone to know that I am going to start an exercise program and do what I can to change my life in a positive way. I want a new start and stop watching my life pass me by. Thank you again.
- Asked by A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45, Other Profession