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Lost that Loving Feeling
Dating / 8:38 PM - Friday February 08, 2008

Lost that Loving Feeling

I have been with jen for almost 3yrs now and there is no more romance. I love her more than anything in the world and (wanted to marry her) have not been paying much attention to her because we have been fighting lately. No sex, no romance, no fun anymore. She is distraught over this and poured her heart out to me. I could not tell her how I feel because I don't want it to end. I am her best friend and vice versa, but I have a group of single friends that i have been going out with and she has none and also does not like mine so it's hard to go out together. All I can picture is her crying face like I ripped the heart out of her chest and it's killing me just the same. CAN YOU EVER GET THE ROMANCE BACK OR IS IT OVER.

- Asked by A Guy Critical, Male, 22-25, New York, Other Profession

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It sounds like you both care about each other a lot. I think she may feel threatened by you going out with your single friends. They are free and clear and she thinks you may want that also.

You two are in a serious monogamous relationship, so should make an effort (if you want to stay together) to find other couples to hang out with.

I don't even know how it works out with a group of single friends when you are in a one on one relationship. I think you really need to evaluate what you want with your life. You may be too young to settle down with one woman. Perhaps you want to see different people. Remember the grass is always greener. . . your friends may be envious of you, having someone who loves you.

But I would first try finding couples you guys can go out with, be friends with, have a date night with her once every couple of weeks or once a month (dinner, movie, whatever you both enjoy), make an effort to really talk every day, even if it is just for 15 minutes straight, have meals together also.

Start with Valentines Day. Do everything you can to make this relationship work out. If you don't, you may regret it down the line. Tell her what you like about her, what you find attractive, touch her when you pass by her, kiss her before you go to sleep, before you leave for work, in other words make her feel special. This may work to get the old romance/feelings back.

If you wish seek couples counselling. If none of the above works out after say 6 months or so, then break it off, hang out with single guys and have fun.

It sounds like there are strong feelings mutually, so give it all you have. No regrets that way.

- Response by lasuz, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Los Angeles, Administrative

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Sure you can relationships take work. Take your time and work on this. Plus she needs to get over not liking your friends they are your friends she shouldn't be to buddy buddy with them but she should learn to deal with them as long as they are not awful. Go on a get away and get to the core of your problems and try to work on them honestly and you'll be fine. But if you can't then your both young you'll have to go your seperate ways. Good luck!!

- Response by mmommy26, A Thinker, Female, 26-28, Newark, Body Work

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Well .. you start with ' what would you do if she wasn't in your life' Then think back to when the aloofness started on your part. Why are you not paying attention to the one you love more than anything in the world? These statements are not congruent. Think seriously about this. Decide why you do not want her. If you decide you do not want to marry her - you have simply fallen out of love with her - it happens. Why? if you decide you do love her then rekindle the relationship (work to be done on your part) and be sure that she is the problem and not something else in your life -- do not stay out of obligation or because you do not want to see her cry -- you are not doing any favors for her.. She deserves to be treated well and to be loved. if you can not do that freely -- move on.

- Response by trekker2, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Consulting

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well it depends. was there a reason that the romance fizzled (i.e. a fight, someone cheated or "cheated", etc.) You can bring it up with her how you 2 haven't spent as much time together and should plan a romantic weekend getaway (unless you don't want to.)

I just broke up with my LD bf. I felt the same way as you - no sex, no romance, constant fighting (but that was because he was controlling and didnt want me going out with my friends,)and scared as hell to break his heart because we had become VERY close quick and I had become his world (although i warned not to do so.)

Why doesn't she like your friends - because they're single? For me, thats not a good enough answer. Trust is Trust. Gotta have boys night and vice versa.

it'll be hard to figure out, sorry. But if the relationship is worth it, you'll try at whatever in order to figure it out. You may not realize it in a week, a month, BUT maybe you will (For me, it took almost 3 months outta the 5 we were together to realize it wasn't gunna get any better.)

But good luck!

- Response by ny2miami, A Sportif, Female, 22-25, Miami, Student

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Why are you asking us this? You are her "best friend", you should know!

- Response by ladywisteria, A Sweet Sarah, Female, Who Cares?, Who Cares?

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