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Marriage 1st, right?
marriage 1st, right? / Married Life / 8:33 AM - Thursday August 07, 2008
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A Life of the Party (Female, 26-28, Who Cares?) asked:


Me and my boyfriend often talk about having children. We both know that we want to marry each other. We've said it a few times to each other. He's even written me a letter and he mentions that he sees us married with children. But we talk a lot about children. I realize that we talk more about having children than getting married. I really want to let him know that I believe we should get married first, then start a family. But I don't want to scare him off or make him un-comfortable or obligated. Most importantly, I don't want him to feel like I'm rushing him into marriage. I don't know how he'll feel about getting married first, then having children.

Advice, anyone?


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A Career Man (Male, New York, 29-35, Financial / Banking) answered:

Screenname: 7zebras


You need to develop a more casual attitude about bringing this up. When he mentions kids you jokingly remind him that marriage comes first. Something like "Well I'd like to have a son or daughter but I definitely don't want a bastard."

Odds are he already assumes that marriage comes first.

ps. That casual joking attitude can be taken to get him to "ring up." But be sure it more joke then serious otherwise it's a nag.

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A Mr. Nice Guy (Male, Milwaukee, 22-25, Food Service) answered:

Screenname: twilightzone85


Just tell him what you believe. Tell him that I believe in Marriage first. I am not rushing into getting married but you did talk about Marrying me and I would like us to wait until where married before we have children together. Be honest with him so you dont regret it later and than when do get Married if you got pregant first your marriage would probably fall apart...

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A Thinker (Female, Chicago, 46-55, Administrative) answered:

Screenname: cubbiegal


You shouldn't be worried about discussing this with him if it's important to you. You need to express your opinion so you don't find yourself pregnant one day, before you're ready.

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A Guy Critical (Male, 46-55, Medical / Dental) answered:

Screenname: mike1954


If you have a relationship with your boyfriend that is of "future marriage quality" then you should simply talk to him and tell him clearly what you want. In fact, you owe that to him, just as he owes it to you to tell you exactly what his thoughts and wants are. Then you can decide if you are compatible enough to stay together. You said "most importantly, I don't want him to feel that I'm rushing him into marriage." If both of you desire to have kids soon, in my opinion there is nothing wrong with rushing him into marriage. Again, in my opinion, it is a better situation to have a child when married than to have a child while single. Just be honest with him. You'll get more respect from him in the end by being honest than you will by tiptoeing around the main issues of your relationship.

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A Life of the Party (Female, New York, 46-55, Political / Government) answered:

Screenname: blondiee


yea come right out when he talks about kids and say hey but how many people would u invite to the wedding
good luck

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A Father Figure (Male, 46-55, Retired) answered:

Screenname: dambreaker


After 6 months and no wedding, I would break it off, and start seeing other people. 6 months is enough time to know if they want to marry you or not.

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