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We've all read and heard of th ...
untitled / Dating / 2:01 PM - Thursday August 07, 2008
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A Career Woman (Female, 26-28) asked:


We've all read and heard of the women who date married, separated, recently divorced men and know the correct responses; with that in mind how about this twist:

A friend of mine has been separated from his wife for 4 years, but there's no restitution; he feels that we may have a connection so we've decided to wait until his divorce to spend any time together so that stronger feelings don't develop before the time is right.

The thing is, he's been married 3 times; am I wrong for thinking it would be a bad idea to pursue things with him once it is final? His ex's, including the current woman has been unfaithful...rarely is "fault" one sided. Opinions would be greatly appreciated.

Update: August 07, 2008.
Thank you for your honest and intelligent responses, your input helps considerably!


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A Creative (Male, Boston, 56-65, Self-Employed) answered:

Screenname: regimin


Trying to explain what's wrong here would take too long and be pointless...I suggest that you move on...life is short...Jim

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A Career Woman (Female, 29-35, Who Cares?) answered:

Screenname: nicky711


don't judge him based on his failed marriages. u don't know what truly was behind them, maybe they just didn't get along. He's not the one that was unfaithful, they were. Maybe he needs someone like you who's going to remain faithful. You could be the final wife!

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A Career Woman (Female, Charlotte, 29-35, Who Cares?) answered:

Screenname: thottienc


I'm always wary of people that have long drawn out separations. I prefer not to be in the middle of them. Most will site "costs" as the reason they don't just finalize it but it's never that simple.

Now as for his previous marriages and saying all of the wives were unfaithful...that may be a lie. Or it may be true but then what does that say about his ability to judge an appropriate mate? He picked three losers. Also, he has not mentioned anything that was "his contribution" to the failure of those Marriages. I'd be wary of that. Faulting one side is a red flag that too many people (esp women) overlook so they can build a quick bond on sympathy and being 'better than that person'. Don't bother competing with a past you know nothing about besides his view.

Finally, if he's your age range-or even under 40- what's his dang hurry to be married so much that he's already had 3 and is not even finalizing the last one?

You have enough sense to be hesitant. Don't discount it. I don't think you are on the wrong track by being wary of getting involved. I'd want a lot more time to get to know him and a better answer as to why his divorce isn't already final. Only then would I make a decision but until then, I wouldn't spend my time exclusively with him. Good luck

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A Life of the Party (Female, Atlanta, 29-35, Other Profession) answered:

Screenname: sassafras


If he is your age I would probably be very wary of getting involved. Like he is in love with being in love and no matter who it is he will marry her. HOWEVER, if he is older then I would really give him time and get to know him. Why did all the wives cheat?

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An Intellectual Guy (Male, Tampa, 56-65, Other Profession) answered:

Screenname: lionhearted32219


You have to be sick!

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A Mr. Nice Guy (Male, 46-55, Hospitality) answered:

Screenname: joeblow1234


Depends. If he's your age, I'd mail him a pair of concrete shoes and tell him to take a swim is some deep water.....just to get him out of the gene pool.

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