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Im so pissed off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dating / 10:52 PM - Saturday July 04, 2009

Im so pissed off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok so this guy asked me out and we went and had a great time at the end he asked me to pay for my dinner. I was appalled but i didn't create a scene. And he was like "we should do this again" i said "sure" but was thinking "hell no" He tried to kiss me at the door but i did the bend and watch the clock move. So now the guy has the nerve to call and ask for us to go out to dinner again. I just hung up the phone without even saying a thing. He has some nerve. I mean i know but if you cant afford to take a person to a restaurant why invite them. I didn't even choose it he did. So did i overreact?

Update: July 04, 2009.
Im not saying you have to wine and dine me just take me somewhere you can afford

- Asked by A Thinker, Female, 22-25

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You didn't overreact. You are being smart. Good for you.

Be advised: There are a lot of dead-beat bums that post regularly on Answerology. They will be on this thread presently to lambast you for being a "gold digger," which is a name they use to attempt to make people who don't like bums feel bad for not liking bums. The opinion of the said bums is not worth very much, as you would expect. Please ignore it. ;)

- Response by electragold21, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, New York, Teaching

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Sorry for pinging your question again, but I couldn't resist pointing out another typical category of poster / posts on A/O: the loser bum who blames the "feminist" movement for the fact that HE is a loser bum; this way he gets to "have his cake and eat it too"--he has an excuse for his deplorable behavior, and his excuse targets the very group of people that are responsible for WHY women NO LONGER HAVE to put up with loser bums that practice deplorable behavior. Thus, the bums are bitter.

Oh, as for the idiot who said you're acting like an "entitled" princess: did you see his question on the Top 10? You should: this is the fool who is so superficial that he wants to date a girl he didn't choose to date in the first place because she was a few pounds overweight. In other words, he's somehow entitled to a woman with a perfect body, even though he can't type, can't talk, can't spell and believes that women shouldn't feel entitled to basic social grace from someone who INVITED her out to dinner.

I don't have to say anyting about "sean." His question and answers alone tell you everything you need to know about him. ;)

- Response by electragold21, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, New York, Teaching

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HELL no you're not overreacting!

If someone invites you to a party, do they expect you to bring your own refreshments?

That's totally cheapskate lame. Any man who says different can is a no class fool.

- Response by sharonpeters, A Thinker, Female, 26-28, Other Profession

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you should've said "i didnt bring any money" :0)

- Response by osieboo, A Thinker, Female, 46-55

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No you din't overreact. You reacted like the typical self-entitled, selfish princess that is so common in our generation.
If you had any class, you wouldn't be pissed off in the first place. On the other hand, you did him a favor, now he doesn't have to put up with the likes of you.

- Response by seanc, A Guy Critical, Male, 22-25, Financial / Banking

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No, not if you were invited as a date as opposed to as friends. In general, the host pays for an invited meeting while individuals pay for a communal outing.

- Response by cjennmom, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Medical / Dental

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You are one smart gal!!! Dump all elcheapos!!!!

- Response by nowornever, A Thinker, Female, 66 or older, Financial / Banking

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No I feel like if he asked you out to dinner than he should pay. Usually most guys pay I don't know because every guy I've gone out with has always paid. At least for me unless he's a close friend and I know he may not be able to pay than I'd make an exception. Other than that if they ask me out I always take extra money for in case but I let them pay. It's just gentleman wise. Now if were in a relationship that's different because than we can compromise. No you didn't over react he needs to learn how to be a gentleman and if he can;t pay for a meansley meal what make you think he will waste at least some money on afffectionate gifts. He's a cheapsteak that's what he is. Your better off forget him. Great Job on not giving him a kiss.

- Response by An Alternative Girl, Female, 22-25

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I am older and wiser but I also live near a SMALL city. That's where I have dates anyway...My point is, they aren't SUPER expensive like YOUR NEW YORK.

He was 100% WRONG. He invited you. He should have PAID for your meal. If he happens to call again, be TRUTHFUL...If you want to pay for your OWN MEAL, you will choose BETTER COMPANY....

Next time a guy asks you out, just BE HONEST.....Yes, I KNOW it's difficult. ASK...are we going DUTCH? I NEED TO KNOW...Personally, I do NOT do the DUTCH THING....I am happier just meeting for COFFEE somewhere...I can AFFORD my own coffee... I don't take MYSELF out to expensive restaurants. I am certainly not going to pay for MYSELF with a DATE I don't even KNOW...

- Response by padme, A Hippie Chick, Female, 46-55, Self-Employed

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Oh honeyyy

First you can't blame him when you said "sure", you should tell straight to his face that night that " Thanks but no thanks, I want to date a real men who would be appreciate my company", if he is smart, he will get it.

This is why I always said men want a cake and eat it too if you let him, I'm glad that you stand up for your value. Keep practice that, real men would love to be with this kind of woman

Best

- Response by azianchemistry, A Player, Female, 46-55, San Jose, Who Cares?

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I agree. The asker should pay. If I asked a guy out, I would pay. If he asks, he pays.

- Response by girldownunder, A Career Woman, Female, 29-35, Sydney

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She believes in "equality." She deserves "equal pay." She demands female suffrage. She supports "community property," and "child support." But THE MAN MUST PAY!

She's the new "not a feminist."

- Response by greenwind, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, Seattle, Construction

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Here's where I go with this: you invite, you pay. He invited you out to dinner, he pays. It's tacky and classless to get to the end of the meal and say "oh by the way would you pay for your own meal."

- Response by lioness21, A Player, Female, 26-28, Consulting

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You did not overreact.

Regardless of how much he makes compared to you, less or more, he always pays for the first date. You can split every subsequent one to your heart's content but that one rule is absolutely immutable. Neither is it gender based. In my opinion the rule simply states that whoever asks for the first date, is the one that pays for it completely.

Now regarding how he could have made such an incredible dating gaffe, the only possibilities that come to mind are: he is incredibly inexperienced (I.e. he has none to speak of) and didn't know better. Or he somehow horribly misinterpreted one of those shitty Yahoo dating articles that talked about the new paradigm of income equality among young career women and somehow thought this translated to "You can split the first date." Or he truly believes himself to be the biggest gift to women since the rabbit and therefore thought you would be stunned enough to be asked out by him that splitting would be a minor quibble.

Either way his loss.

- Response by funkymustafa, A Guy Critical, Male, 22-25, Boston, Military

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I understand why you would be pissed off, and while you are entitled to never see him again I do think that you were rude to just hang up the phone, specially since you did say that you would see him again.

- Response by jeangenie, An Alternative Girl, Female, 18-21

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I'm totally willing to treat half the time, when I'm dating someone. I prefer that to splitting the check. After a couple of dates I will usually invite him over for a home-cooked meal, too.

Do I still expect a man to pay for the first date, if he invited me? Yes. Do I expect to pay for the first date if I invite him? Also yes!

Confidential to the idiot that "popped" your question:

Yes, I expect equal pay for equal work, and community property. A woman who works at home and takes care of your children has enabled you to go out and earn those paychecks. She has also put her career on hold and compromised her income potential. She is therefore is entitled to half of the property in a divorce-- deal with it!



- Response by myowntwofeet, An Alternative Girl, Female, 46-55, Los Angeles, Other Profession

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Ugh you have every right to be angry! He invited he pays its a date.. If its a friend yeah why not you pay your check he pays his. Other then that hell no! I had this happen to me and I sure gave him some of his own medicine ba ha ha ..I got asked out for a second date and of course picked restaurant told him instead of picking me I would meet him there. I never showed up! :D

- Response by crystalsordiamonds, A Trendsetter, Female, 18-21, Student

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I do think you were a little overly entitled and self indulgent in regards to this matter. The reason I think this is that a savvy young person ASKs or Offers to go dutch on the first outing WHILE making the initial arrangements. It just helps alleviate drama like this before it even has the opportunity to take place. WHY shouldn't a man expect that a women who works would pay her own way on the first several outings. Why do we expect a man to automatically pay. Of course when invited we expect someone to pay our way BUT that doesn't mean you shouldn't have your own funds on you and have it in hand to pay your own way. Men are looking for that these days and maybe they have the right to look for that also.
I am looking for good manners in a man but I can't be blind to the obvious bias alot of us women have in regards to this issue. We just assume we are going to be paid for. We shouldn't assume this any longer.
I wouldn't however pick up the tab for a man. Unless we've been dating for a short time and it's really my turn to reciprocate I wouldn't pay. It goes both ways....he needs to pay for himself as well. And if I ask someone to join me the first time I would ask if they were comfortable with my picking up that first check and if not suggest going dutch.

- Response by joybird, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Rochester, Who Cares?

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Im with you!! you are lucky you found out what a cheap bastard he was before investing more time on him!! I would have told him he was too cheap though.

- Response by kmf1, A Life of the Party, Female, 46-55, Indianapolis, Administrative

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No- you did not overreact.

He asks you out---he pays
You ask him out--you pay
You both are hanging out and jointly decide to get something to eat- you go dutch

- Response by meowmeowww, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, San Francisco, Technical

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Totally did NOT overreact....its about time women started to stand up against this completely unchivalrous behaviour and not just shut up and smile about it like there aren't any guys out there who will pay for your dinner especially on the first date when they are the ones that asked!!!....im sure this will not be the only thing you will have to complain of when it comes to this guy....run before you have to find out.....AND...your update about "im not saying you have to wine and dine me..." Why not??? since when don't men have to wine and dine you?...trust me, if a guy likes you he will wine and dine you...if he doesn't wine and dine you, then it is a clear sign he is not into you and only hoping to get an easy score with minimal effort...think about it...stay pissed off hunny....until you find a real man to treat you right!

- Response by A Trendsetter, Female, 26-28, Toronto, Student

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You aren't over-reacting to the experience at dinner. But, you were wrong to not address it, respond to his request for another date with, "sure," then, when he called, you simply hung up on him. You should have told him how you truly felt about that evening and that you really have no further interest in dating him. Every woman is different. Just because you don't agree or accept the way some choose to handle the financial aspect of dating, doesn't mean you're wrong or a hypocritical femnist. You're not behaving like a prissy princess just because you didn't offer to pay. I'm glad you feel about this guy the way that you do. It shows you believe yourself to be worthy of being treated with respect by a true gentlemen. And, that you're not going to accept just any kind of treatment, in order to have a date. Good for you!

- Response by thelovedovefor1, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Atlanta, Who Cares?

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*ugh* first off im gonna say ive never done that, but.....ladies, times are changing, i've always paid for the womens meal with no hesitation, ive never expected them to pay no matter who asks who out, but he could have been alot worse, he coulda asked you to pay for it all, i mean you only paid for what you ate right?, sure its nice to get paid for especially since he asked you out, but its not like a guy goes to a restaurant expecting to be paid for, yet women are allowed too? what happened to the "equality" of the sexes?

- Response by lokim22, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 18-21

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I think you are overreacting, but its not without some justification. I do wish you better experiences in the future. Good luck. Chin up. Smiles. :)

- Response by mortaune, A Guy Critical, Male, 22-25, Student

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Excellent - good girl!
I still like a man to be a gentleman.
I had enough of cheap guys and I would not date one anymore.
You did the right thing.
The feminists are to blame for this type of disrespect. Men have stopped being men because of them...

- Response by marycherry, A Creative, Female, 29-35, Fitness

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No overraction on your part, you even acted kinda nice, I mean you still paid for it and you maintained a certain politeness until the end of the date, when you can be bitchy and rude bout it. Best to have the 'asker' pay for the date.

To add, why not tell the guy how you felt instead of leaving him hanging, since his still trying to contact you, why not use this chance to let him now how distasteful his actions were. Purpose is not to give a second chance (unless you want to), but to let him know that you hated what he did and you don't wanna see him again, get it off your chest, and get him out of your life.

- Response by simplyasking, A Thinker, Female, 26-28, Who Cares?

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When one person asks the other out, there is an assumption that the asking is treating. I should hope you understand that this cuts both ways; if you ask a man out, you need to be prepared to pay for the evening.

Given our current economic situation as a nation, I should not be surprised if fewer people feel so at liberty to ask others out with the assumption of treating the ask-ee to a large evening out on the tiles. I would, however, view it considerate and fair for the asker to suggest an evening of mutual expenditures or plan a date that does not go over his or her personal budget. Times are tough.

- Response by pandorasfault, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Teaching

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while i would pay on the first date, i think going dutch the first time around is fine. i think u overreacted. people go on a LOT of first dates. why does that guy have to pay everytime? im not gonna pay unless i know theres gonna be date #2. i dont date much, so it doesnt bother me to pay on date #1, but if i dated more, i could see how it would hurt my wallet.

- Response by foonlord, A Creative, Male, 26-28, San Francisco, Internet / New Media

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You go girl, good for you hanging up on the louse.

- Response by wandatrick91, A Married Girl, Female, 36-45

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No i don't think you overreacted although maybe hanging up on him was not so nice ;). This happened to me a few weeks ago. This guy had been bugging me about going out with him for dinner, so when i finally agreed and we went for dinner he had the nerves to ask me if i had any money!! i was SOOO mad!!! He was the one that asked me out and i was also kinda broke at that time and on a tight budget so you can imagine how ticked off i was!! needless to say, i told him after that i didnt think things could work out between the both of us.

- Response by tami82, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 26-28

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And to all the men that disagree with this post, my 22 yrs old brother NEVER let's a girl pay - NEVER EVER EVER.
Even now that he's being going out with his gf for over 6 months, he hasn't let her pay ONCE. That's what I call a real gentleman.

- Response by marycherry, A Creative, Female, 29-35, Fitness

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He asked you out, and then he expected you to pay???

And he didn't even have the decency to spring this on you before you ordered???

That has to be a new low. If someone is paying for dinner, they should be able to choose the venue and the person with whom, if anyone, they would share the meal.

I've had women ask me to dinner and ask me to pay, but the requests came at the same time, so I could have declined. I know there are some women who simply assume the man should always pay, but what kind of guy just takes it for granted that his guest will pay? I wouldn't assume she'd even be carrying cash or a credit card.

Where on earth did you find this person?

- Response by An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Technical

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In the modern world, it is not unusual to go dutch on a first date and Im assuming this is the first (and only one lol). Years ago the man always paid for everything, but with the womens modern mind set and liberal views, they get what they asked for, equal everything including you pay your own way! Many women I have taken out insist on paying for their own part or seperate checks. In the future, dont assume anything in this modern age! If someone invites you out, before the date!!!! remember before the date!! ask him if he is treating or are you two going dutch. And save alot of problems

- Response by verygood, A Father Figure, Male, 46-55, Denver, Lawyer

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You are absolutely right. It is very frustrating. I have had an ex who was VERY man in this regard, after we broke up I met several men who made me realize how much I lost. I am an independent woman, with a good income, I don't need anyone to feed me, but I believe that the man shows his interests in several ways one of them is treating me with a nice dinner! without expecting anything back.


- Response by A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Other Profession

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I am old-fashioned enough to believe that if a guy asks you out, he should pay for both of you. Now, if you are a "liberated woman" LOL or a feminist or whatever, or if you are trying to avoid the quid pro quo (you know - "I did something for you now what are you going to do for me??")and you want to OFFER to pay for yourself, that's just fine. But if he asked you out, he should pay in my opinion. I do not think you overreacted at all. In fact I think he's a cheapskate and you should find someone better to enjoy a date with next time. You are worth it. Believe it!

- Response by barbear, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Teaching

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hell no honey!! he should of paid he asked you out!!! what a cheap wad!

don't listen to the ppl on here who said you overreacted. obviously their men treat them like shit.

- Response by jess_412, A Thinker, Female, 18-21, Student

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Totally agree with you, wtf was he thinking of that as a date... I would do exactly what you did...

- Response by divalicious, A Trendsetter, Female, 22-25, Monterrey, Who Cares?

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