Active Questions
| Friendship / 3:50 AM - Thursday November 05, 2009 |
I have a guilty conscience.One of my BFFs just had a baby with her boyfriend.
- Asked by Female, 22-25 |
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All that I can say is I hope you are serious and do not intend to EVER tell her.
- Response by randyl, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Los Angeles, Consulting
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keep right out of it
- Response by duggers, A Guy Critical, Male, 66 or older
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what have you got to be guilty about .?
- Response by duggers, A Guy Critical, Male, 66 or older
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What an awful predicament to be in but I have to say I almost would say don't get involved. Now that may seem wrong to some people, you should tell your friends things that will help them in the long run even if in the short term it hurts them/upsets them. Friends love you enough to say the truly uncomfortable, even if it means hurting you, but they're always there afterwards for support, advice, and guidance. That's the general rule of thumb I follow at least, but in this instance, I gotta say, that her boyfriend or the other girl should be the one to tell her. Do you want her to know just you don't want to be the one to have to tell her? If the answer is yes, go to her boyfriend when she's not around and have a quick yet serious talk with him. Don't allow him to defend himself to you or justify his actions, you don't want the truth to come out and have him accuse you of being complicit in his lies. Just say, look, I know you hooked up with so and so while your girlfriend, my dear friend, was pregnant with your baby. I think you need to tell her. At the moment I have no intention of telling her, not because I'm protecting you, but because I'm protecting her and our friendship, and no matter what you say, you're the only one who should tell her. You're definitely not a bad person. If she was just dating this guy and there was no newborn baby in the mix, I'd say tell her, but as it stands, it's really unfair to expect you to carry the burden of this huge secret for a horrible betrayal her boyfriend committed. Probably easier said than done but you've done nothing you should be guilty about. I just think that since she only just had a baby, she's probaby feeling insecure as is because her body probably isn't what it was prior to getting pregnant, and she's just experienced a huge switch in hormones from the surge during pregnancy to the immediate drop off after, so if she is in or could be prone to post partum depression, I think that news this bad can hold off a little. And while it may seem cliche, people say "shoot the messenger" for a reason. You might have nothing to do with it but if you are the bearer of bad news, you might become the target of anger. Best to just tell the boyfriend you know and leave it at that. Good luck.
- Response by chrsy81, An Alternative Girl, Female, 26-28
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Yes, keep quiet. I know it's tempting when you think "I'd want to know," but consider the result of sharing. If you want to do something, tell the guy (privately) that you know what he did and will tell if you ever hear about him doing this again.
- Response by mikehug, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Cleveland
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tell him either he tells her or you will. Just because they have a kid dont mean he is going to stop.
- Response by jonsey29, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Administrative
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You've already told us the reasons why you can't tell her right now, just having a baby, being incredibly fragile at this moment so keep your mouth shut. She probably knows about the indiscretions.
- Response by hulagirl55, A Sportif, Female, 46-55, San Francisco, Who Cares?
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Why do you have a guilty conscience? You're not the one who cheated on her! As far as what I would do... knowing me, I'd confront her boyfriend and strongly suggest he comes clean about what he did!
- Response by Veronica71276, A Creative, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?
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