How to live with that??

I used to be very confident, independent person. Though I came from a very conservative backward culture, I made great changes in my life, and I am there except in love and relationships.
Two years ago I was in a relationship with a very successful, smart, loving man. We were engaged and planned our marriage and everything seemed great. We have had several arguments on one public issue, and once I was so frustrated and said "I cannot take it anymore, your argument is disgusting," I apologized 2 days after. But then he broke up with me. He said he loves me so much ( I know he adored me) but he cannot be with me because I am a very hard person, and that I made him cry several times!!!!!!

We stayed in touch, I tried my best to show how much I love him. But he was completely blocked. He didn't stop saying that he is tortured, don't know what to do because he loves me a lot but cannot be with me. I gave him space so he calms down.... He got married in two months!!
He then called me on the same day crying that he is not happy, he regrets what he did. I left the country for six months but he never stopped sending me emails of how are you, where are you..
When I came back he called me. No intention to see me, and no intention to divorce but he just blamed me that I was so mean to him...
I cut him off again, I told him clearly never to contact me.
I was in therapy for 8 months. Tried 3 therapists but I am still in the same place!
I cannot stop thinking of this whole thing.
I feel that I am just a very hard person, I will never have a real relationship and I hate myself now a lot.
I see all the successes I did in my life is nothing!! and worthless since I ended up "unhappy"


How to forgive myself and move on!!? I am not saying forgive myself for what I did to him but for being so mean to myself that I was not able to make it happy!?
Thank you

Update: November 06, 2009.
thanks NYmodel and babyblue. I am posting again hoping to get more responses.