Sex & Intimacy / 4:45 PM - Friday November 06, 2009

Do you find it a good idea to tell you parnter something that turns you on they are not?

I find being sexually open about thoughts and feelings with a partner is something to be done with caution really. I mean my bf brought out porn mags and he was telling me, She is so attractive and the way she looks is a turn on and how her legs are spread and you can see her pussy all of it. That is one thing but again I really don't like hearing she is a turn on to him but what to me is worse is having him say look at the peach fuzz she has on her arms and legs, that is a huge turn on. Well I am Italian and don't have peach fuzz and never will and to me telling me that makes me self conscious and he says oh God I am just showing you what I find a turn on. Ok, well would he like it if I said I so love brown eyes or blond chest hair knowing he has blue eyes and dark chest hair? I mean why do that or say something is a big turn on to you if your parnter doesn't have it. To me it rates up there saying I love his cock and having it be huge compared to what your bf has or saying I love those huge breasts when your partner is a cup size A/B and small.

I guess I think being sensitive to what your saying is very vital. If your watching porn and talking telling your partner you find that porn star hot and his body this and that is not productive I don't think. Now telling your partner like I do, I love the way he is pounding her hard, I love that and can imagine how that feels and how I like you to do that to me. I love how into it she is or how she is sucking him and how he moans while she does it. There is nothing personal to the people and it is productive to him so he knows what turns me on so he knows well she likes moans while she is sucking me or likes me to pound her.

Personally I don't care if my guys says she is very attractive if she is a movie star or something like that but it takes on a whole different meaning when your clothes are off and your being sexual with your partner and he is making comments about a porn star and what he finds attractive about their bodies or face. Honestly I don't want to hear he likes her boobs or how she looks all that does is make me compare my body to hers and maybe he doesn't like mine becuase I am not this or that and I would think if I said God he has a great chest and abs, his body is so hot. I might think it in my mind but honestly I am more thinking about my partner than some porn star.

Why is it that my bf says I am just ridicoulus regarding this all?

- Asked by Female, 36-45

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He is being very insensitive.
HE needs to grow up.
he needs some EMPATHY.

why dont you print what you wrote and let him read it? its well put..

- Response by discotrash, A Life of the Party, Female, 22-25, Las Vegas, Other Profession

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That's why introducing porn into a relationship is usually not a good idea. Porn stars are paid to have sex so therefore they're going to look good and look good doing it. Plus, the director can yell "Cut" and retape something that doesn't work out. Can't do that in real life.

I think it is incredibly tasteless for your boyfriend to tell you he likes certain physical attributes of a particular porn star.

- Response by justme85206, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Phoenix, Other Profession

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This needs to be taken to a counselor. I say this because it is very hard for men to understand validating feelings and the tey tend to say things that are hurtful without realizing it and take your reaction as you having a problem rather than something about the way they are saying it. I'm right with you on what you are saying. If he wants things you can't change about yourself, he needs to either deal with that or move on. We all have to accept that our mate can't be everything. It's fine to show you things like you suggested. Insist he go with you to counseling and if he won't go by yourself. But the very least, don't subject yourself to this kind of talk. If he starts, say it hurts your feelings when he says things turn him on about other women that you can't change about yourself.

- Response by A Married Girl, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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