Back to Home

Active Questions

Should I be upset that he's talking to his ex?
Sex & Intimacy / 9:33 AM - Sunday February 28, 2010

Should I be upset that he's talking to his ex?

I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year. Recently, I discovered that he is talking to an old girlfriend pretty regularly. I'm not so upset that he's talking to her, it's really more about the fact that he hid it from me. I'm also kind of surprised because in the past when he had mentioned this person, he made her out to be a lying, conniving slut that he wanted nothing to do with. When I tried to talk to him and let him know that it bothered me NOT that he talked to her, but that he hid it, he blew up and acted like I was insanely jealous and told me she was his "friend" and he would never stop talking to her. Am I crazy here? I think if I hid the fact that I talked with my ex on a regular basis for a year, he'd be pretty upset.

- Asked by An Alternative Girl, Female, 46-55

Read more about the Rating System

I hate when men do that, when you confront them with something and the blow up making you out to be the crazy person. He is doing this to take the heat off of himself because he is doing something wrong. if he hid talking to his ex for a year what else is he hiding?

If I were you, I would kick him to the curb...nothing but problems with this one. If he respected you, he would of respected your concerns. He is not doing that instead making you out to be the bad person, when you have done nothing wrong!!!!!

- Response by curious_cat67, A Trendsetter, Female, 46-55

Rating Received:

Of course you have the right to be upset, he's been hiding the fact that he's been talking to his ex and chances are he's guilty of much more based on the fact that he's trying to turn this around on you. When men get defensive it's usually because they are cheating and don't want to get caught. In future relationships, heed the warning signs before becoming too emotionally involved. Any man who openly calls his ex names and talks badly about her to his current partner is still emotionally attached to that person and wants to be with her whether he'll admit to it or not.

- Response by houseworkmakesyaugly, A Married Girl, Female, 36-45

Rating Received:

Ut oh! He's protecting her and being all defensive about it. Red flag one. He finally tells you he'll always "talk" to her. Red flag two. He hid the fact that he's still attracted to her although he claimed differently earlier in your relationship with him. Red flag three.

So, given that I don't see your relationship with him continuing. If you do, you'll be the "other" woman in his life regardless of it seeming that your his girlfriend.

Since it is clear you are NOT the priority and he's so defensive and protective of her, you should cut him loose because you don't want to be second best. That is, unless you don't have the confidence in yourself to know you deserve better and can get better.

- Response by msadvise, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Transportation

Rating Received: