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My boyfriend 'technically' chose another girl over me...what should I do??
Dating / 6:32 AM - Thursday August 12, 2010

My boyfriend 'technically' chose another girl over me...what should I do??

My boyfriend has this friend (he's known her for 2 years)..they used to hang out a lot and he used to like her but that's all in the past and they are just friends (according to him)..they hang out and talk a little now.

This has caused tension between my boyfriend because I don't feel comfortable with them being friends because he 'used to like her and was going to start going out with her'. I just get a weird vibe about her. He did say he would cut ties with her (a few months ago) but back then I told him I didn't want that. About a month ago, this situation caused us to 'take a brake'. During this time, I asked him..why don't you just let her go?..and he said it was because they were just friends.

Honestly, I wouldn't feel right forcing him to let her go- I would feel too controlling. I could never go through with that. But it's the fact that he didn't offer, that's bugging me now.

I feel like I'm the only one who had to compromise. Just after we got back together, he told me that he thought I was going to break up with him. I asked him, what would he have done? and he said, he would have basically accepted it because that's what I wanted. He would have walked away?..What?!?!

That bugs me...that even when we were going to break up, he wasn't willing to compromise or offer to end that friendship..nothing. Basically choosing her over us. We've been going out for almost 2 yrs...and I've known him so much longer than her (8 yrs)...I kinda feel like I should have priority. And, other than this issue, we are so in love...planning marriage in the future etc.

And what's going to happen when we get married?? I'm still not going to want to hang out with her...and would have to put my foot down about him hanging out with her too. I mean, if your married and you want to hang out with another woman while your wife removes herself from that situation- that doesn't sound good. I feel it's kinda cheating...or, at least, on the road to it.

any advice?...should I bring this up to him again?

- Asked by Female, 26-28

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I dont think you should see it as him choosing HER over you. He's choosing his FREEDOm. I'm not saying anything about you, I would feel the same way, but no one likes being told what they can and cant do, especially grown men. I would insist that if he hangs with her, you hang too. Get to know her. She could be pretty cool and you might end up being good friends.
If he just cant for the life of him understand why it makes you ansy, tell him you are going out to the movies witha guy co worker, or old guy friend. See how he feels about that.

- Response by dahlia22, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Other Profession

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Community Rating: Community Star

I am in the same exact situation, except my Fiancee has a guy friend that , I think, likes her. I tolerate it and became friends with him. You CANNOT tell your S/O who their friends can be. You have to trust that he will tell you if he likes her enough to end it with you. But, if you guys are talking about marraige, then he obviously loves you. You have nothing to worry about, really. I know the feeling though, but you can't tell him not to be friends with her. Unless she causes trouble like stalking or bad mouths you to get to him. Good Luck

- Response by fas2005, A Father Figure, Male, 46-55, Pittsburgh, Science / Engineering

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why should he have to choose? it's not his fault you're jealous. If he was going to be with her, he would be.

- Response by beanielou, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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the more you let it bother you, the more he will see her in the shining light because guys usually feed off girls emotions. he sees your jealous of his friend, which makes her look better. STOP, your sabotoging your relationship.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 26-28

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If I could do your rating, I'd give fas2005 & dahlia22 *STAR*S. They are both right on with their advise!!
Best Wishes!! :)

- Response by elevatorup, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?

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if they are not sleeping with each other and dating..grow up, girl..get over the jealousy

- Response by mobysdick, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Who Cares?

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