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If he's not ready now, will he ever be?...
Dating / 11:16 PM - Thursday September 09, 2010

If he's not ready now, will he ever be?...

I feel so dumb writing this, but I need an outsiders opinion.

I'm a single parent and been dating a man now for 4+ years. He's known from early on that I'm dating to eventually marry. I'm going to be 26 next month (I know I'm still young) but as a working single mom in a long term relationship, I am yearning to "settle down". When I ask my bf if he's STILL far from being ready for marriage, he responds with 'yes'.

After this long, what the hell does he expect me to do, change into a perfect 10?! I have done my reading, and I came across an article where a man says that if at anytime a boyfriend in a committed long term relationship tells his girlfriend he's 'just not ready yet', that he's really cowardly saying "I'm going to marry someday, it's just not going to be you".

Is this accurate?

If so, why does he insist on us staying together then if he's not ready to marry and I am? I'm not going to change my mind and be satisfied being his gf forever when I'm ready to be a wife.

I'm not even interested in celebrating our dating anniversary anymore because it seems pointless. Not to sound like a brat, but dating is just 'auditioning for the big game (marriage)', and I don't want to be waiting for him to come around and then being in my early thirties, single and dating again.

He wants to date me, he's far from marriage, but he practically begs me to stay with him anyway.

If it's true of what I read about the 'I'm not ready' excuse, what do I do?...

Update: September 10, 2010.
Thank you to all who took the time to read and respond. He finally confessed that he's holding back because I have already been married before, and that I have a child by my ex husband (when I was married of course). I'm hurt and damn mad. It was never a secret, he knew from DAY ONE I was divorced and had a child. I guess he 'tried me on' fulling knowing it would never lead to anything. So there's 4 years wasted when I could have spent time completely focused on just myself and my daughter, and possibly a better man who would actually WANT a future with me. Lesson learned (again). Back to official single mom status again. Great.

Update: September 09, 2010.
I should note that I'm not trying to force or trap my boyfriend into marriage. I can't help that I feel deep down, I'm meant to be a wife. If I could change it and be happy with 'girlfriend status' forever, I'd do it. BUT IT'S JUST NOT ME. It's not a nasty secret agenda!

- Asked by Female, 29-35

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Would anything change if you two get married? He's probably afraid that you might change for the worse once you two get married. It's just probably me but I really don't see the point of getting married. People should stay together without being force to stay with a piece of paper. Enjoy what you have now and don't worry about a piece of paper and me call MRS. so much...

- Response by A Career Woman, Female, 36-45

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First off, quit reading these relationship books and articles. They f*ck more people up than anything else. The only way to know for sure,100%, is to sit him down and talk. You have to be willing to let him go though, because if you pin him down and he balks, you have to be willing to walk.

- Response by newyorkjoe, A Career Man, Male, 36-45, Lawyer

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