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When your girl tells you she wants more ...
When your girl tells you she wants more ... / 9:51 PM - Tuesday February 03, 2004
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An Intellectual Guy (Male, Boston, 22-25, Student) asked:


When your girl tells you she wants more romance, what does she mean? More sex? More expensive dinners? More little presents? I mean, I don't 'get' romance and what it means. Any help?


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A Thinker (Female, San Francisco, 36-45, Executive) answered:

Screenname: gr8lifenow


When I say that, I want him to treat me like I'm special with little love notes, flowers, calling me more, taking me for walks on the beach, treating me like a lady. I know it's hard for guys to figure out things they aren't used to, but I think you will be rewarded for doing it...and I wish more guys would even take the effort to try...so thanks for being one of those guys!

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A Sweet Sarah (Female, Indianapolis, 22-25, Student) answered:

Screenname: kaytee20


I think that romance is just being spontaneous. You are probably in a rut where nothing really feels new and exciting, and that's what she means. hot tubs, candles, flowers... romantic! but even more romantic for me is the little stuff... like i wake up to him kissing me, or we're watching a movie and he just starts staring at me until i turn around and he says he can't help it, i'm just so beautiful :o) Also, picnics, mix cds, love notes, visiting her at work, showing up to take her out to lunch... all of those things are romantic too

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An Intellectual Guy (Male, San Francisco, 56-65) answered:

Screenname: chesterdad


DANGER! DANGER, WILL ROBINSON! This is your warning, so listen up, this information will save your relationship, your marriage, your life...
What's happening is you are failing to MAINTAIN ATTRACTION. "ATTRACTION" is not be confused with being "attractive". "Attractive" men are ones who possess the shopping-list qualities that are near and dear to wmen's hearts. That doesn't mean women are automatically turned on by them; look how many women go with guys who have NONE of their favorite qualities.
ATTRACTION is a powerful physical and emotional RESPONSE. It is not a CHOICE, logic has nothing to do with it. Here's how it works: I tickle you in the right place, you laugh. That's a RESPONSE, it just happens. Tickle a woman's emotional/feeling-orien ted right brain, she develops "feelings" she equates with ATTRACTION. You can do this by using techniques of flirting, teasing, body language, tone of voice, and more. It takes a bit of practice to "get it", and to avoid being the "Nice Guy", ie, SUPPLICATING. Once you start to cave in and go back to being a "Nice Guy", you stop CREATING ATTRACTION. "Nice Guys" are WUSSES; women expect their men to be a challenge, spontaneous, a little mysterious, a little bratty, keep them off-balance and anticipating, wondering what's coming next.
It's NOT about more presents, dinners, and so on; in fact, those things begin to look like nothing more than bribes, after a while. BAD!
There's some really cool free info you can find on the internet that'll go into this even more. My favorite site is "doubleyourdating. co m"; it's a self-improvement program, but it has a free newsletter you need to start getting. It goes out pretty often, and it's always informative. "pickupguide. co m" is a totally free, huge collection of how-to and how NOT-to articles for the pickup artist. It goes from beginner basics on up to advanced psychology. You'll be spending a lot of time at this one, I promise.
Oh, and try to lose the "Mr. Nice Guy" handle. From now on, NO MORE MR NICE GUY!

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A Married Girl (Female, Atlanta, 29-35) answered:

Screenname: cc74


ahhh romance...all women love romance....start with opening doors, bringing a long stem rose with you when you pick her up....have a bubble bath drawn for her with candles lit around the tub, soft music, have a nice dinner prepared for her when she gets home with some candles, when the weather permits take a blanket and some candles and sit somewhere under the stars and just talk, do all the little things that you can possibly think of.....romance shouldn't be more expensive things, or material.....hope this helps

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A Thinker (Female, Cleveland, 36-45, Financial / Banking) answered:


Romance can be difficult to figure out - especially since women usually expect men to just figure it out. Wouldn't it be great if we just came out and told you how to meet the need of more romance?

For me, romance is displayed in many different ways. It can be a surprise phone call to talk about 'nothing special' where the conversation is revealing, intimate and filled with laughter. And, lasts for 1-2 hours but feels like 15 minutes. It can be a night out to dinner and a comedy show. During which my date holds my hand and leads me through the club, puts his arm around me during the show, kisses me out of the blue and whispers in my ear. It can be a quiet evening at home watching a movie where my date massages my whole body throughout the entire movie. Little surprise presents are wonderful, too. A card, from time to time, in the mail to let her know how you feel is very romantic. Remembering something she said she likes and referencing it later in conversation or even buying it for her is also very romantic. We're always delightfully surprised if a man can remember the simple, little things we mention in passing.

More sex can be considered romantic, but a planned quiet evening, great music started with a sensual dinner that leads to slow loving is even better. Check out sexandthekitchen (d*****) for ideas on this one!

Basically, all we really want is your attention. Pay attention to the little things and it will help in the romance area. Good luck!

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A Life of the Party (Female, Cleveland, 22-25, Medical / Dental) answered:

Screenname: ohiomedgirl


Romance means different things to different women... but in general it doesn't have to be expensive and it probably doesn't mean sex. She probably wants you to do little things... tell her she's beautiful, sexy, etc. Tell her how you think about her all the time. Do little things for her, wash the car, do dishes after she cooks for you, maybe even make her dinner. Perhaps a little card on her windshield or mirror. A single flower. Take a night to just pamper her... candlelight, draw a bubble bath, etc. That kind of stuff. Best of luck.

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A Creative (Female, St.Louis, 22-25, Student) answered:

Screenname: tbear


im guessing she means that she wants you to be more attentive. you know, compliment her, and tell her how much she means to you. maybe not an expensive dinner out, but it really means a lot to women if you cook for us. maybe take a shower together and wash her hair and lather her up. you know, pamper and make her feel like a princess. not all the time, cause then she'll get spoiled, but here and there, out of the blue, for no reason just do something sweet for her. she will love you for it. good luck!!!

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A Thinker (Female, Chicago, 29-35, Administrative) answered:

Screenname: wolfygirl


Romance means sweet things, like sweet words, flowers, maybe small gifts. Do nice things for her like take her to a nice garden and tell her things she wants to hear.Do things unexpected, but nice. Hope that helps.

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A Sweet Sarah (Female, Detroit, 36-45, Home Maker) answered:

Screenname: carrielyn


To me, 'romance' doesn't equate to more sex. When I think of romance, I think of flirting..like when you first started dating. Ohh I like the little surprises, a love note or nice card for no reason but romance can be as simple as talking dirty in my ear. Sometimes just getting that "you are my woman" look...is such a romantic turn on. Personally, I don't like wishy washy men. I like men that take control and show some dominance. I guess romance can be defined in many ways.

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A Thinker (Female, Boston, 36-45, Science / Engineering) answered:

Screenname: missmaggie


For many women "romance" means flowers, surprize gifts, love notes, candlelit dinners, cuddling by a fire, picnics in the park, being swept away in a spa scented bedroom with velvet pillows surrounding her as you caress her for hours ....

Does that help at least a little?

The surprize factor, uniqueness of your expression and making her feel special, pampered and a true gem in your life defines romance to many women. It's not always about spending a lot of money either. Notes and scented candles in your room are inexpensive. Flowers don't need to be long stemmed roses every time. Gifts can be fun and have a double meaning. One guy got me a toy slot machine when he went to Vegas. It was fun, unique, let me know he thought of me when he was away and said "take a gamble on me". I think of him every time I see it. That's romance.

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A Creative (Female, Chicago, 29-35, Other Profession) answered:

Screenname: marigold


I think romance is putting thought into planning events, paying attention to your girl's likes/dislikes, basically showing her how special she is to you. It's not necessarily expensive grand gestures-- it's in the details. Like if she mentions that she's tired, you give her a foot massage and run a bath for her. It's about showing you care about the person you love.

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A Creative (Female, New York, 18-21, Student) answered:

Screenname: raynegirl


No it doesn't necessarily mean that she wants more expensive dinners or little presents, maybe she wants more sex though. when a woman says she wants more romance she means that she wants you to show her how you feel about her and to be able to be more intimate with you(not necessarily in a sex), but for you too to just be showing emotions and just doing nice gestures for one another, the simplest things can count as romance for women(unless their high maintainance) it's always the thought that counts in when you do something for her....... as a surprise "just a simple home cook meal and a massage" from you to her is a romantic and i'm sure if she's as romantic she'll do something romantic for you too. expensive dinners and more little gifts can just be on occasions or a once in a while kinda thing and the dinner don't need to be expensive. I wish you the best of luck with romance, you seem like you really want to do right by any girl that you're with. Good Luck!!!!

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An Intellectual Guy (Male, 36-45, Administrative) answered:

Screenname: chessplayer


Think about it. When you want romance, what does that mean to you? It doesn't just mean sex. It means she pays you attention, compliments you, enjoys time with you.

It means the same thing to her. When she flirts with you or pays attention to you, it makes you feel special, right?

Flirt a little. Pay her some attention. Listen to her when she talks to you. Do little things to show you care.

It's simple really. If you can't do those things, then maybe you're just not that into her.

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A Cool Mom (Female, Baltimore, 26-28, Self-Employed) answered:


I think all relationships are one big roller coaster ride. In the beginning your full of excitement, giddiness and there's a strong attraction. Then you slip into that comfort zone. You get back into your daily routine and before you know it your missing that excitment and sense of being desired. I think it goes both ways for guys and girls. Guys tend to satisfy that need through sex while woman may need a little more emotional validation. A woman doesn't want to feel inadequate or that you are bored of her. Show her that you are still into her even if it's by complimenting her on how she looks. If a woman feels appreciated and desired than I doubt she's asking for "more romance". Lastly, to be blunt, if a woman is straight up asking for more romance there is always underlying meaning to what she "really" wants. You could go take her out to dinner and do everything you think she might want but still not be out of the dog house. Especially if she asks and you respond because she asked and not because you wanted to do it in the first place. It's a slippery road but I promise you if you make her feel desired and appreciated you shouldn't have any problems.

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A Thinker (Female, Houston, 18-21, Self-Employed) answered:


She wants you to "woo" her. Like write her a nice love letter and put it somewhere she will find it, call her spontaneously and tell her your taking her out that day, go to a park or something at night under the stars ....

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