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I'm a recently divorced mother of a thre...
I'm a recently divorced mother of a thre... / 11:18 AM - Monday August 04, 2003
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A Thinker (Female, Pittsburgh, 26-28, Artist / Musician / Writer) asked:


I'm a recently divorced mother of a three year old. I am seeing someone, but have alot of friends who are single moms to for various reasons. Are men scared off by single moms?


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A Player (Male, Boston, 46-55, Executive) answered:

Screenname: adalefin


It depends on the man's level of interest. If he's only mildly interested then he may be dissuaded. However, if he is smitten then it doesn't matter how many children you have - he will want to do whatever he needs to do to be with you. Good Luck!

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A Jock (Male, Washington, DC, 29-35, Who Cares?) answered:

Screenname: ddboy128


yes men are scared by single moms because they are afraid if they get into a relationship with her, then he would have to be daddy to the kids.

so what your friends should do is reassure the men that although their kids are #1, their dating life is seperate from thier parenting lives;

also its good to date single dads. churches, volunteer organizations, school and PTA meetings are good places to meet single dads!

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A Career Man (Male, Los Angeles, 29-35, Science / Engineering) answered:

Screenname: beachengineer


Honestly, There are several reasons.
1. Single Moms are always going to put their kids first. It's to be expected. Some guys, although the know that is the case, don't like that. They want a potential girlfriend to be able to focus on them.

2. The instant family. Again, most guy's perception of a single mom is of someone who's searching for the guy to complete the family. Even if the woman is just looking for casual dating at the time, it's the perception that guys have. They may not be ready for the whole "instant family"

It takes a special guy to date a single mom, someone who understands the demands placed on the women in that position. There are guys out there like that, & normally they're the real good ones. Hope this helps.

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A Guy Critical (Male, Denver, 26-28, Science / Engineering) answered:

Screenname: jcander


Yes, especially if you're dating guys in their early 20s. Our feeling (likely fueled by our friends) is that you're out searching for a father for baby and we're definitely not ready for it. After gaining a couple years (and a bit of wisdom) we realize that this isn't necessarily true and will occasionally date someone with kids. These exceptions fall into one of two categories (I've been "guilty" of both): exceptional appearance (sorry but a pretty face and a good body will always attract men) or a friend who's grown into a bit more. Hope this helps :)

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A Rebel (Male, Pittsburgh, 26-28, Financial / Banking) answered:

Screenname: kazanova


Some are, some are not. At my age (25), I don't want the responsibility for a child yet. I was engaged last year and well that was broken off, so I am out with my fiends having fun living my life. To date a young lady with a child from a previous relationship / marriage would be tough right now. Maybe if I was a little older and more ready to settle down and have a wife and kid then yes. But right now and after everything I've gone through, I myself, right this very minute, could not. My roommate just ended a relationship with a beautiful young woman for that very reason; and unfortunately that was the only reason. He couldn't see her for who she is, just what she had, a child. Not that I'm against it because I'm not, but I myself could not do it cause I'm not ready yet. It would probably be easier to find an older man that is already settled down and wants to start a family. Are we scared off, no, just more hesitant than normal. A wonderful friendship might come of it, but anything more, you'll only know with time. Good luck hun!

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A Guy Critical (Male, Indianapolis, 46-55, Other Profession) answered:

Screenname: smilinnow


Unfortunately we are getting more than just you. I know it's not the answer you want, but it's a huge decision and expense to take on someone else's child. There will always be a part of you that is his and that's tough.
Getting to know someone is tough, but when you have the added complication of a child, it's doubly. Some younger guys aren't ready for a family, older guys have "been there, done that"
I have 2 kids and do not want any more, so I may seem shallow, but I won't date anyone with kids at home, no exceptions.

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A Jock (Male, Detroit, 22-25, Technical) answered:

Screenname: spartancfe


Sorry hun but the answer to the quesion is YES.......

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A Rebel (Male, Chicago, 29-35, Student) answered:

Screenname: jpgrfab4


A lot of men are and a lot are not, I think it would be safe to say that having a kid cuts your dating pool down about 20% thats all, not a really big deal. you dont need those type of guys anyway.

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A Mr. Nice Guy (Male, Dallas, 18-21, Student) answered:

Screenname: jbux


Some men, who are not ready to settle down or make a c**mitment are scared off by single moms. Because kids are a c**mitment if you ever want to bec**e serious with their mother. However, if a man is ready to settle down and have a family, then as long as the child and the new man get along, then it would not be a problem. I hope this helps!

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