its a long one, but I desparately need the advice My fiance and I have been together officially for about 2 1/2 years. I say "officially" because we casually dated for a few months before I found out I was pregnant, he left. Nine months later, I gave birth to his son and we got back together.
Since then things have been rocky. We went from almost complete strangers to living together with a baby, but we've done well.
We love each other and have a good relationship. He is a good provider, a fantastic father. But there is a problem in our relationship that has been going on since our son was born. I keep thinking it will change, it never does and I'm not sure it ever will.
The problem is that my fiance has no sex drive. He was fine prior to having a son. When we were dating (obviously, he got me pregnant) but since then he has no interest in sex. For 2 and a half years it has been like this.
I have tried more times than I can count to talk to him about, he usually just gets defensive or turns it around on me saying that "he doesnt need sex to be happy" making it sound like I'm the bad guy for wanting sex.
The few times that I have actually gotten him to actually talk to me about it he has said he will "work on it" and gives me tips on how to get him in the mood but nothing ever changes.
As of right now, if I were to want sex from him, I would have to wait until he is in a decent mood, not too tired, then light candles, put on smething sexy. And even then, he plays hard to get and half the time ends up turning me down anyways.
I decided about a month ago that I am done making the first move. After years of being the only one to initiate sex, I am just not attracted to him anymore, at all. And when we do have sex he is just going through the motions.
He says it has nothing to do with me and that he has his own issues he needs to work out. But when is that going to happen?! I am 22 years old. That is entirely too young to be stuck in a sexless relationship, nevermind a sexless marriage.
I said yes when he proposed a few months ago, but I am second guessing my decision.
My biggest problem with this, our son. How can I divide our family like this and have my son live in a single parent home, only seeing his daddy on the weekends just because I want sex. The idea makes me sick to my stomach.
I am just at a loss here. Talking to him doesn't work, and I cant do this anymore. What is a girl to do?
Update: August 05, 2009.
I got some really good advice from you guys, I wish i had more stars to give out!
I brought the issue up again last night and let him know that things had been this way for far too long and that NOW is the time to fix it. Not next month, not next week... NOW.
The truth is that we have a great relationship in all other aspects, I dont want us to end becuase of this. I made sure that he understood this wasnt about ME being happy, it was about our relationship being successful, which i think got through to him, FINALLY!
He agreed to go to counseling. :D
Thank you all - Asked by brisbay, A Cool Mom, Female, 22-25, Administrative | 