My boyfriend can't come for a fall visit at my college. My ex/friend can. I've been with my boyfriend for 6 months and love him dearly. I'm at college right now and two hours or so away from home, so I don't see him as much as I'd like, but I'm going home at least once a month to visit him, yay!
We have a fall overnight visit coming up - we can have a visitor stay from overnight on a friday and saturday night (my college is a women's college so this is one of only five or so events in the year, until I become a senior, in which case I have my own room and can do pretty much whatever). My boyfriend (for several mostly valid reasons) has not told his mother that we are still dating (she dislikes me now, due to some family problems leading /my/ mother to bother her at her place of work - and told him to break up with me). Therefore he can't come up for the visit, as he lives (despite how bum-like that sounds, he's in college full time and working a part-time job becase of that so it'd be impossible to get a place of his own)and works with her and wouldn't be able to make up an excuse to come up.
I've known my ex for four years; we dated on and off for quite a while. Currently he's also in a relationship, with a girl he's been in love with for a long time. He and my roommate (a girl, just FYI) are truly my best friends. I asked him if he wanted to come up for the fall break; he's accepted.
I'm really excited about him coming up, but there's one problem: I still haven't told my boyfriend. I know for a fact that nothing will happen between us, and as my roomie spends her weekends at her boyfriend's there's a spare bed so it's not like we're going to be sleeping together or anything. But I know my boyfriend will be bothered by it - which I understand.
Should I tell him or not? I feel like if he knows my ex is here I'm going to have to play down any fun I have that weekend so he doesn't feel jealous. I'm also going to feel like I need to text him constantly and keep him updated so he won't think anything's going on. And even if I do all that I know, knowing my boyfriend, that he's still going to be unhappy, jealous, and bothered about it.
On the other hand, if I hide it from him it's lying, and I'm going to feel guilty about it.
What's your advice? I'm pretty torn about it. It feels like it's either lie to him or have a weekend filled with the stress of making sure he's not jealous. - Asked by Female, 18-21 |